Ten Reasons Not to Vote Conservative

1. The Conservatives are spending too much on the Armed Forces. Instead of a strong, well equipped military that can defend our interests, I want a weak, underfunded bunch of "Boy Scouts" (as Jean Chretien's called them) that make fools of themselves when they try to go peacekeeping.

2. I do not want lower taxes. I want the GST to go back up, as Stephane Dion promised. I like taxes, especially a Carbon Tax to save the world. I want to pay more for everything, because a Liberal government knows how to spend my hard earned money better than I do. And it doesn't matter if Canada only produces 2% of the world's "greenhouse gases," or that even if we shut Canada down completely it wouldn't make a bit of difference to the climate...

3. I feel sorry for violent young offenders, and I don't like Harper's plan to keep them in jail or disclose their names. I don't want to know the name of the teenage rapist who lives down the street, and I don't want him put in jail. My 13 year old daughter can look after herself. I know this repeat violent offender can be rehabilitated, and I feel safe with the knowledge he is anonymous and on a nearby street.

4. I hate businesses, and want to see them pay more taxes. Stephen Harper is lowering corporate taxes to make them competitive with other countries, so they won't move to other countries. With an NDP government, they'll make those businesses pay more, and they'll close up or move to Mexico or China. I'll lose my job, but that is OK as I can go on EI and live on other people's taxes. A little bit of unemployment and more debt won't hurt us....

5. Stephen Harper is too hard on China. He doesn't like the fact they execute more people than the rest of the world put together. He doesn't like the fact that people there are miserable due to corrupt officials, pollution, censorship, etc. He doesn't like the fact that over 1,000 Chinese agents are spying in Canada right now. Harper believes in human rights. I'd prefer a Liberal government that turns a blind eye to all this, and only wants to line the pockets of their supporters with trade deals.

6. Stephen Harper believes in families. What an antediluvian idea! He believes stay at home moms should get a child care benefit. I would let those people do without. I want to pay more taxes to subsidize day care centers for wealthy working couples.

7. Stephen Harper is doing something about pollution. I don't care about big companies dumping their sludge in my back yard or enormous fines for real pollution. I would rather spend big taxes to fight global warming. After all, carbon dioxide is toxic. What do you mean, plants need it to grow?

8. Conservatives care too much about sovereignty and the arctic. I don't care if Russian or Chinese subs are prowling around up there, or if the Russians take our oil. I don't care if other countries use the Northwest Passage as a toilet while our impotent military looks on helplessly. I like the Liberal idea of "soft power" and throwing my money at cultural programs for the Inuit instead.

9. Harper is not panicking and throwing money around due to the financial crisis. Instead of reassuring people that our banks are carefully regulated (unlike those evil American ones), he should be throwing cash around (taxpayers money, of course)...I don't know why, but it sounds cool. I like Stephane Dion's idea of a big Carbon Tax which would drive up prices, inflation, and kill profits, throwing the country into a deeper recession. So schadenfreude of me!

10. The top reason not to vote for Harper - he is just too honest. Politicians are supposed to be crooks, and steal money....like the Liberals did in the sponsorship scandal in Quebec. They are not supposed to pass laws like Harper's Accountability Act to clean up government! They are supposed to act like thugs and attack protesters in the street.